Grief and Loss: Loss of a Partner

The death of your spouse or partner can change your entire world. You lose the person you loved, the role they played in your family, your daily routine, and often your best friend. You might also feel the loss of their financial stability and emotional support. Whatever your partner represented to you, the pain is real.

Physical and Emotional Effects of Grief

Mourning affects our physical bodies as well as our emotions. You might experience changes in sleeping and eating patterns or feel fatigued and low on energy. In addition, work and other tasks might become difficult as you struggle to concentrate.

When you grieve, you also feel a number of emotions, such as shock, fear of the unknown, anger that they died before you, or guilt that you could have done more. Many people experience remorse for not being there when their spouse passed or feel unsafe coming home to an empty house.

Healthy Grieving Ideas

Though grief is a universal experience, no two people will process it the same. And while there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, some people will find more positive methods of coping while others may cause themselves further distress by choosing negative methods. They might shut others out, make hasty decisions, or turn to alcohol or drugs. Here are some healthy ways to cope with grief:

Physical

• Practice self-care. During the grieving process, it’s imperative that you don’t neglect your health. Making wise food choices, getting enough rest, staying hydrated, and exercising regularly is critical. Though you may not feel like it, you’re actually helping the healing process by practicing good self-care. You should never feel guilty for taking care of yourself, especially when you’re grieving.
• Know your limits. You might need to talk with your employer about a more flexible work schedule. Perhaps you can’t assume all the household responsibilities your spouse or partner handled. Be patient with yourself if you need to learn new tasks or skills as it will take time. There’s nothing wrong with saying “no” and setting limits while you heal.

Emotional

• Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings about the loss can be helpful. Though remembering your spouse or partner might be painful, memories can also bring back some of the joy you felt with them. Recording your thoughts is also a way to chronicle your healing as the weeks and months pass.
• Avoid big life decisions. Large changes like moving or a new job should be placed on hold until you feel better. Grief can cloud good thinking, so while risky decisions might seem rewarding in the moment, you might regret them later.
• Plan for the holidays. Plan ahead for special events, holidays, or anniversaries to smooth the transition. Take time to honor your spouse on the special day or have someone available to talk to about your grief. Prepare beforehand so you can use the day to be positive, get support, and care for yourself.

Social

• Honor your partner’s life. One way to embrace a new beginning is to honor your partner’s life. Although they are no longer with you, there are ways to recognize their values and beliefs. Consider holding a special memorial service, planting a tree, or volunteering for their favorite charitable cause. This effort creates a lasting legacy, helps you heal, and contributes to your community.
• Engage your interests. If the upcoming weeks feel empty, make plans to do things you know you’ll enjoy. Meet up with friends, join a community group, or take a class to learn something new. Having plans to look forward to each week can increase your energy level and lift your mood. However, be patient with yourself. It’s not necessary to rush into a brand-new life. Finding a “new normal” will take time.
• Respect others’ grieving. Your family members, friends, and children are also mourning the loss of your spouse or partner. Their grief might look different than yours, so it’s important for everyone to respect each other’s process. Recognize that relationships might change a little because of the loss.

Grieving the loss of a spouse or partner won’t happen overnight. Find friends and family you can talk to about your feelings. Ask for help with household duties or going through your partner’s personal items or clothes. Consider joining a support group, talking with a therapist, or visiting your doctor for help and guidance. Taking care of yourself is the best way to honor yourself and your partner’s love for you.

Sources:

National Institute on Aging. Mourning the Death of a Spouse Opens in a new window. Accessed January 26, 2023.

National Council on Aging. The Widowhood Effect: How to Survive the Death of a Spouse Opens in a new window. Published April 24, 2021. Accessed January 26, 2023.

Helpguide.org. Bereavement: Grieving the Loss of a Loved One Opens in a new window. Published December 5, 2022. Accessed January 26, 2023.

Last updated: February 10, 2023

By: © Amplified Life Media. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.